I am often asked the questions, “How do I assign relevant homework to couples that I am seeing? Do you have suggestions for fine tuning homework uniquely to each couple?” This month I thought I would share an easy to use, yet highly productive homework assignment. This assignment deepens each partner's understanding of how the other thinks about a particularly charged topic.
Let's say that a couple is fighting about how they each discipline their kids. One says, “you are too strict.” The other retorts “you are too loose.” The more lenient partner wants support from the other, and you know that any superficial agreement they make will fall apart quickly. In the session, ask each partner to describe their own viewpoint about structure and discipline. You then ask the partners to draw each other out by taking turns asking questions about how they think and react to different events requiring discipline or limit setting. You can use generic examples like, your 16 year old son has a new driver's license and comes home half an hour late without calling, or your kids have specific chores but routinely forget or fail to follow through on them. Or, it's even more effective to work with a specific example that is presented by the couple.
In the office, you might structure their interaction by saying, “Will you take turns and ask each other about your view of discipline?” Ask them why they hold their beliefs and ask them about specific experiences they had in their family of origin that were effective and ineffective. Facilitate a productive discussion that allows each partner's thinking to be revealed. At this stage, there is no right and wrong, no problem solving and no negotiation. Then, give the following homework assignment: When you go home, please write down what you believe to be central to your partner's thinking. Write at least 3 statements that summarize what you heard your partner describe.
Focus specifically on how your partner thinks and what goes into their decision-making process. When the couple returns to the next session, ask each of them to read what they have written. The listening partner then responds with either: 1. Yes, you got it. That is correct. No, that is an overstatement.
That is directionally correct, but misses the essence of what I was trying to communicate. Here is how I would modify what you wrote. Joe and Ann were often in conflict about disciplining their 12 year old twins with Joe being the loose partner and Ann wanting more structure. I gave them this assignment, and they returned with the following statements: Ann: You believe it is ok to be loose because when kids mature they naturally structure themselves. (Correct) Ann: You believe it is ok to be loose because it preserves the emotional bond and doesn't make our kids mad at us. (Directionally correct, but misses the essence) Ann: You believe it is ok for our kids to resist and say “no” to doing chores, because it is important for them to assert their independence. (Directionally correct, but misses the essence) Joe: You believe in providing effective structure because you see yourself as an effective leader and you want our kids to develop leadership skills.
(Correct) Joe: You believe our kids are part of the tribe and that they should not take advantage of us by leaving their stuff around for us to pick up. (Correct) Joe: You believe that our kids will be deficient and lazy if they don't do chores. (No, that is an overstatement) Each partner is then asked to correct the statements before any problem solving takes place. One of Joe's observations was an overstatement that needed correction. It was, “You believe that our kids will be deficient and lazy if they don't do chores.” Ann corrected this by saying, “I want them to learn to put themselves out for others even when it is not convenient.” Ann had been directionally correct, but missed the essence when she summarized, “You believe it is ok to be loose because it preserves the emotional bond and doesn't make our kids mad at us.” Joe corrected this by saying, “I don't like rigid structures that are annoying.
I like to ask them to pitch in when it is obvious that some chore needs doing.” Ann had a second sentence, too, that was close, but not quite accurate. She'd said, “You believe it is ok for our kids to resist and say no to doing chores, because it is important for them to assert their independence.” Joe corrected this by saying, “I think there is a lot of learning in the back and forth discussion of ‘will you help, why or why not'?
I like engaging them in those discussions rather than routine expectations of following a structure.” After all corrections are made, each partner is asked to go home and think of one or two solutions that will work for both partners' belief systems. The following week Joe returned proposing one solution that Ann especially liked.
He suggested that he would initiate requests for the boys to go out of their way to do chores that would help Ann. He asked her to hold back and said he would engage the boys in ongoing dialogue about why they should extend themselves to help their mother. He wanted three weeks to try this approach and then the couple would evaluate the results. A homework assignment like this one can be fine-tuned to any couple's needs. The content of their struggle is not significant. It asks each partner to understand the other's motives in a more complete way and then to develop solutions that fit with the motivation instead of using rote behavioral agreements that are likely to fall apart. About Ellyn Bader, Ph.D., is Co-Founder & Director of The Couples Institute and creator of The Developmental Model of Couples Therapy.
Ellyn is widely recognized as an expert in couples therapy, and since 2006 she has led innovative online training programs for therapists. Professionals from around the world connect with her through internet, conference calls and blog discussions to study couples therapy. Ellyn’s first book, 'In Quest of the Mythical Mate,' won the Clark Vincent Award by the California Association of Marriage & Family Therapists for its outstanding contribution to the field of marital therapy and is now in its 18th printing.
She has been featured on over 50 radio and television programs including 'The Today Show' and 'CBS Early Morning News,' and she has been quoted in many publications including 'The New York Times,' 'The Oprah Magazine' and 'Cosmopolitan.' Find more about me on:.
Features new and updated assignments and exercises to meet the changing needs of mental health professionals The Couples Therapy Homework Planner, Second Edition provides you with an array of ready-to-use, between-session assignments designed to fit virtually every therapeutic mode. SCHULTHEIS is a clinical social worker and marriage and family therapist. He maintains a private practice in Evansville, Indiana. STEFFANIE ALEXANDER O’HANLON is a licensed clinical social worker and photographer. She consults on the use of the narrative arts in healthcare. Small FAQ about download Book files are stored on servers owned by you? We do not store files, because it is prohibited.
Our site uses the API of third-party sites that store files. That is, we are doing the same thing as Google, only within the framework of one subject. Third-party sites are multimedia services that allow you to read and download e-books. By subscribing, you get access to a huge library of multimedia content, which is updated daily.
Services are fully optimized for all platforms - iOS, Android and PC. If there is a choice of file format, which format is better to download? Modern smartphones and computers can read files of any format. But the most compatible is the.PDF format. For example, the PDF format can be read Mozilla Firefox browser without any additions.
Couples Therapy Homework Planner Pdf
How long will the file be downloaded? We regularly check (this is a fully automatic process) the availability of servers, the links to which we offer you. If the server does not provide a quick download, then we remove it from the list. Does the electronic version of the book completely replace the paper version? Of course not. Best of all, if after reading an e-book, you buy a paper version of Couples Therapy Homework Planner. Read the book on paper - it is quite a powerful experience.
Features new and updated assignments and exercises to meet the changing needs of mental health professionals The Couples Therapy Homework Planner, Second Edition provides you with an array of ready-to-use, between-session assignments designed to fit virtually every therapeutic mode.
'Fully revised and updated, Brief Couples Therapy Homework Planner, Second Edition provides an array of new and updated exercises to help couples quickly develop the psychosocial skills they need to achieve or maintain healthier relationships. The book includes 70 ready-to-copy homework assignments covering the most common issues encountered by clients suffering from chemical and nonchemical addictions. The book is a valuable tool for marriage and family therapists, social workers, psychologists, and other mental health professionals.' -Provided by publisher. Rating: (not yet rated) Subjects.
More like this. Find more information about: ISBN: 0046 OCLC Number: 667271542 Notes: Originally published under title: Brief couples therapy homework planner, ©2009. Get this original for mac.
Description: 1 online resource (xv, 236 pages). Contents: Exercise II.17 Negotiating Socializing Preference and Differences. Exercise II.18 Creating a Mission. Section III Specific Problem Areas for Couples. Exercise III.1 Chronic or Unproductive Arguments. Exercise III.2 Verbal Abuse.
Exercise III.3 Boxing Clutter to a TKO. Exercise III.4 Separating Work from Home Life. Exercise III.5 Planned Spontaneity. Exercise III.6 A Safe Place for the Traumatic Memories. Exercise III.7 Chronic Lateness from Work. Exercise III.8 Set Limits with Consequences Sexual Issues and Problems.
Exercise III.9 Mix 'N' Match Sexual Menu for Expanding Your Sex Life Exercise III.10 Pleasure Teaching Session. Exercise III.11 Dealing with Impotence. Exercise III.12 Help for Premature Ejaculation. Exercise III.13 Initiation Week. Exercise III.14 Lightening Up about Sexuality and Weight Gain.
Exercise III.15 A Night to Remember Family, Stepfamily, and Parenting Problems. Exercise III.16 Wrestling with the Challenging Task of Parenting. Exercise III.17 In-Law Problems. Exercise III.18 Get a Roommate. Exercise III.19 Circle the Wagons.
Section IV Reproducible Forms and Brochures Suggestions for Making Conversations More Productive Movies about Couples. An Appreciative.
Interview to Celebrate the Anniversary of Your Marriage. Interview with My Valentine Appreciative Inquiry. Interview Protocol: Life-giving Relationships Guidelines for Couples'. Communication How to Solve. Relationship Problems Creating or Renewing Intimacy Pocket Emergency. Guidelines Getting Over an Affair. Dealing with a Partner or Spouse with a Chemical Abuse Problem.
Preventing or Dealing with Violence in a Relationship. Solving Sexual Problems. Train Your Therapist. Relationship Rescue: Team Methods for Resolving Relationship Crises. Dealing with the Death of a Child. Generic Assignment Form. References.
About the Disc. Series Title: Responsibility: Gary M. Schultheis, Steffanie Alexander O'Hanlon, Bill O'Hanlon. 'Fully revised and updated, Brief Couples Therapy Homework Planner, Second Edition provides an array of new and updated exercises to help couples quickly develop the psychosocial skills they need to achieve or maintain healthier relationships. The book includes 70 ready-to-copy homework assignments covering the most common issues encountered by clients suffering from chemical and nonchemical addictions. The book is a valuable tool for marriage and family therapists, social workers, psychologists, and other mental health professionals.' -Provided by publisher.
Features new and updated assignments and exercises to meet the changing needs of mental health professionals'The Couples Therapy Homework Planner, Second Edition' provides you with an array of ready-to-use, between-session assignments designed to fit virtually every therapeutic mode. This easy-to-use sourcebook features: 71 ready-to-copy exercises covering the most common i Features new and updated assignments and exercises to meet the changing needs of mental health professionals'The Couples Therapy Homework Planner, Second Edition' provides you with an array of ready-to-use, between-session assignments designed to fit virtually every therapeutic mode.
Comments are closed.
|
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |